Monday, September 14, 2009

Crawling in my Skin

AAhhh, I hate this feeling -- I'm of two minds. There's the simple, emotionful human part and the "outside looking in, command center" part of me that performs logical thought. Right now the logical one is writing the blog. The emotional one hates this feeling -- I get rarely, every couple months maybe, when it just gets hot. And I get irritable when it gets too hot. It's 70 degrees outside in Akron at 11:28 at night but in my room its reeaally hOooot. And I am not comfortable.

I can't sit still - and there's this disturbing paranoid feeling that I need to get something done now. I'm definitely going to sleep early tonight. I just, this annoying sensation, its hot, and I'm not comfortable, and I need to get something done right now, and I have so many worries, and I can't sit still.

The logical part of me is saying: slow down. All will be well in time, you'll return to normal, but its curious that you go through this occasionally. I remember one night freaking out to mom after we'd lost the internet cause she did not understand how to pay a bill [ugggh]. It's frivolous, i know, but I freaked out, and right now I'm freaking out, the world is collapsing on me - i feel metaphorically and physically claustrophobic right now. It's just so hot, and I'm not comfortable.

And it doesn't help that I'm kind of always in an irritable mood because I haven't paid my credit cards down to zero in quite a while. The Korea trip destroyed the mysterious way I juggled my credit cards, and I am having a hell of a time getting a real job -- Old Navy for example gave me days of trouble with something about a tax background check (which I'm pretty sure is just going to make sure I am not homeless, at least thats what it makes it sound like) and then when I finally get it to work, something with the log-in system isn't working. It's just so frusterating, I want to be working to fix my credit thing so I can have peace of mind. And it doesn't help that this heat is driving my crazy. Or maybe I'm just crazy I dunno. AHHH, but that song "Crawling in my skin" is exactly how I feel right now, and that sweaty all over feeling is freakin me out and AHhhh%4**@.

Song of the Day: See You Again by Breathe Carolina. It's a cover of the Hannah Montana (aka: Alaska Nebraska!) song that we should all despise, but it's off "Punk Goes Pop Volume 2" CD Sarah burned for me, and its entertainingly interesting. I listened to most of the CD with the housemates and they had a good laugh at a few.

Housemate Perk of the Day: Some would view this as a negative thing, but I'm choosing to view it as a positive. My Cranberry-Pomegranate juice got relegated to the backity-back of the fridge because its so packed (actually, its gotten significantly empty in the last couple days I think.) Anyway - it froze. So I shook it a bunch, and there was really only enough left for like one big cup, so now I have a frozen-slushie rather than a drink, which is kinda interesting and cool (haha, cool - get it) but yeah.

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